The Denim Kit. Priceless.
Jon Levy
I’m coming to the end of my first week back in the US after an amazing trip to Brazil for the World Cup, and normalcy is starting to set back in. But it’s not quite your everyday normalcy here in Washington DC. This city, along with the rest of the nation, is still afflicted with some degree of World Cup fever, even after the Americans lost to Belgium.
Now in “walking cities” like DC, this brief boom in soccer interest is easy to see, especially if you drive everyday like I do. You see a lot more on the sidewalks at 40 miles per hour. It’s easy to see that the social currency of this mini-movement in America is the soccer jersey, or “shirt” as they say across the pond.
But don’t get all excited that you’re in the club just yet, and if you’re not one of us, take a minute to read this post before you run out and buy that jersey. Soccer fandom in the States is still a “scene.” It’s now a large scene that’s still growing, but it’s a scene nonetheless. That said, this scene adheres to many of the same norms as any music scene when it’s blowing up; you get soccer-nerd cool points for time served.
These rules of course apply to the jersey you’re rockin’, and the standards are a bit different around World Cup time. As a public service to the American soccer community (because here at TYAC we’re about giving back) we’ve listed below the most common types of jerseys in order from least cool to most for your last weekend of the World Cup.
May God Have Mercy On Your Soul.
Big Club Jersey (no name or number on back) – Maybe you’re a soccer fanatic and you don’t even do tee shirts and this is just your normal everyday attire. Or maybe your aunt and uncle went to London once and bought you a Manchester United shirt because they know you like gifts. Maybe your ex studied abroad in Milan and thinks you look good in red or blue. Sorry Barcelona people, your team no longer counts as “more than a club,” and you get zero points just like everyone else on this list.
Other Club Jersey (no name or number on back) – Okay, you get a fraction of a point for being just slightly more alternative, and there’s a better possibility that you actually root for that team. But let’s not discount the possibility of your relatives knowing just a little more about sports and buying you a Queens Park Rangers shirt on their trip to London, or your ex studying abroad in Florence instead of Milan. Specific situations can provide exceptions to this rule at times. If you see a guy watching a Netherlands match draped in orange save for an Aston Villa jersey, you can rest easy knowing just how proud he is of Ron Vlaar.
World Cup 2014 Team Jersey (no name or number on back) – I’d say there’s a better than 50% chance this person knew the World Cup was coming prior to this summer. They’ve recently made the financial commitment to show their colors, or at least the colors of a country they’ve heard of at some point. Furthermore, they’ve probably felt obligated to at least keep an eye on what’s going on in the tournament, y’know, in case anyone asks them about it. Even if none of what I’ve written about this person is true, they get some credit based on the core news values of timeliness and relevance.
Club Jersey (non-World Cup 2014 player name and number on back) – We get it; you’re probably a soccer fan. But your jersey says nothing about the main topic at hand (hint: it’s the World Cup). Yes, I know MLS is back. This valuation obviously doesn’t apply if you’re going to a game or celebrating a big win. You also get a little bump up for trying to make your shirt relevant. “Dude, I’m wearing this because I’m rooting for Ruud van Nistelrooy; he’s killin’ it with his ESPN analysis!”
The Besler option here earns extra credit.
World Cup 2014 Team Jersey (with player name and number on back) – Not only are you wearing the appropriate jersey, but you’ve got a favorite player on your team, or at least a player you like a lot. This tells everyone you can probably name other players as well, and you probably even know their positions. The more obscure the player, the more points you get, especially if that player’s doing good things in the tournament. Jermaine Jones and Kyle Beckerman US jerseys get more credit than Clint Dempsey jerseys for the next week. Oh, and when it comes to the trend of anything other than player names on the backs of US jerseys, the more clever the more credit. Yourlast name or nickname and favorite number? Meh. The guys I saw in Brazil with “Stars” (#50) and “Stripes” (#13), well done. “Freedom” (#76), even better.
“Back Issue” National Team Jersey (no player name or number on back) – This valuation is an aggregate, because certain old national team jerseys are far superior to others. In spite of Landon Donovan’s heroics against Algeria, the 2010 World Cup home jersey just doesn’t cut it. Now if you’re wearing the under-the-radar great USA home jersey from ’08-’09, this is probably your spot. You know the white shirt with the red horizontal pin stripes. But if you’re rockin’ the ’94 “denim kit” with the horizontal stars you go right to the head of the class.
Someone should buy you a beer.
Club Jersey (with World Cup 2014 player name and number on back) – Now you’re garnering real soccer cred. Not only do you support this dude at the World Cup, but you follow him at his club as well. There are degrees of coolness here of course. The “Messi” Barcelona jersey isn’t scoring you many points, but a “James Rodriguez” Monaco jersey will get you well on your way. Even more so if you own his Porto jersey or shirt from one of his South American clubs.
“Back Issue” National Team Jersey (player name and number on back) – Okay, this jersey can make it rain high-fives on gameday, or it can be so run-of-the-mill that no one even notices. Legendary players are always a good choice, but if they’re too popular no one cares. The guys in the yellow Ronaldinho jerseys weren’t saluted in Brazil, and you probably won’t be in your standard Landon Donovan jersey stateside. If you like Brazil, maybe reach back to Zico or Bebeto, and US Soccer fans can’t go wrong with a Lalas shirt. Meanwhile, if you can go for a really old jersey of a World Cup 2014 player you’ll likely take all the plaudits. Wear a World Cup 2002 DaMarcus Beasley and you increase your chances that a stranger will buy you a beer this week.
Obviously this article dealt in generalities, but if I’ve offended your sensibilities please feel free to take issue with me on Twitter @TYAC_Jon.